Sunday, March 14, 2010

I Love My Husband But I Can't Stop These One Night Stands

Sally Brompton in a recent piece in the Sunday Times answers a problem entitled:-

 “I love my husband, but I can’t stop these one night stands”.

An abbreviated letter from a woman, whom I shall refer to as Jill, is published. Jill writes about her infidelities, guilt, shame and the cycle of self-destruction in which she finds herself. She talks about how her father leaving her mother had a profound effect on her and how her husband provided her with stability during this time. She says that “my husband isn’t open emotionally, but he’s a lovely man who brought me stability at a difficult time” and “we had a great five years together”. She questions her own behaviour and worries that her behaviour will break her husband’s heart. She wonders, given her actions, should she be married at all.

Sally in her reply, says that she is unsure of the source of Jill’s behaviours. She urges her to face up to her demons to find the source of her unhappiness. Sally says “wherever we go, there we are. Even if we flew to the moon, we couldn’t escape ourselves.” Sally also refers to Jill’s feelings of guilt and shame around her behaviours and how that is linked to her questioning herself about whether she should be married or not.

In this article, there are a number of points which Jill has made in her (abbreviated) letter that strike me as conflicting.