The
specific example situation here is where there are two children in a family and the parents have separated. The kids are Jack a boy of 8 and Kate a girl of 5. Jack is
acting up and Kate is copying Jack's behaviours. This advice is for the mother who is raising the kids. In particular it is geared
towards helping Jack. The suggestions are generic and must be adapted depending on his personality and the
particular issues that arise.
The overall aim is for the mother to help Jack manage his emotional turmoil.
This is best achieved by the following:
- Giving him the language to express what is going on for him.
- Allowing him to express it, in a constructive way.
- Managing the spill over onto the other child.
- Nurturing the continued development of his self esteem.
One
of the first things to do is to inform
the school that the parents have separated. Ask his teacher to send a note home
if he behaves in an inappropriate way. (This means that the mother can deal
with it in a timely manner). However, it is not unusual for children at this
stage to be well behaved in school and not at home.
Strategies to achieve the above aims:
Giving him the language to express what is going on for him:
Talk
to him when the “iron is cold” when he is not acting out. He is more likely to
take in what you say then, than in the middle of a row.
Use these types of statements:
“Jack I know you are angry that Mum and Dad
are no longer together, however, we still love you and are always here for
you”.
“Jack, I have the feeling that you are
unhappy, is that true? How can I help you? “I want to make it better for you”.
“If you can tell me what is going on inside
your head, then I can do my best to help you, however I can’t read your mind”.
“Just because Mum and Dad are not together
it does not mean that we love you less”.
